We sat there, sipping on our coffee, mine really hazelnut creamer than coffee, but whose really checking my cup. Who cares that I like a little coffee with my creamer or that I may die early of too much sugar. I do care, but not enough to change. Judge me later. So I looked over my cup, shook my head, and rolled my mascara laden eyes, “I think you got this marriage thing wrong,” I told my friend after a month of marriage. It was not working. We were fighting. We were unhappy. And I thought, THIS CANNOT BE the rest of my life! There had to be more to this marriage thing or else I was doomed. That was almost 10 years ago. Unfortunately back then, she had all this stuff to say about MY ISSUES! My issues? What about HIM, I thought! I wasn’t there to get marriage advice on fixing ME because of course, I was not problem or so I thought (we will talk about that in another blog post)!

So after spending most of those early years barely liking each other, although we may have put on a smiling face for most people, we learned some tips and tricks along the way. In certain seasons, we were on the brink of divorce, and there were times we felt very hopeless. BUT GOD! We have fought for our marriage in sudden job loss/unemployment, financial fights, trust issues, love/respect issues, kids issues just to name a few. And by the power of Jesus, mentors/family/friends, we were able to overcome every single obstacle stronger and closer than ever! God can redeem! God can save! God can restore! So please know, “Your marriage is not beyond repair!” Even if you feel your marriage is over, YOU CAN FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! So here’s 5 ways to fight for your marriage:

Surrender to God: Now that may seem silly to some, but by surrendering to God, you’re allowing Him to guide your ways, guide your thoughts, guide your actions. A heart NOT fully surrendered to God, pursues his own ways, his own thoughts, his own desires, and that leads to problems within marriage. So the first way to fight for your marriage is through surrender!
Die to Self: Once you have surrendered your heart fully to God, now you’re going to have to die to your self. Our pastor told me that years ago, and I just wanted to scream back at him…..”BUT I don’t want to die to myself!” So dying to self means, laying your life down daily, moment by moment for your spouse. Laying down selfishness, laying down bitterness or offenses, laying down pursuing your wants and needs over your spouse. God has called us to lay down our lives for our spouses daily! And one of the greatest divides in a marriage is when one person puts their needs and wants over their spouse leaving the spouse feeling lonely, alone, broken, unwanted, unheard.
Have more sex: now for some of you, you may think I’ve lost my mind. But hear me out, when marriages stop having sex, marriages die. Needs are going unfulfilled. The enemy wreaks havoc, one person’s eyes start to wander, then the heart starts to drift away from the marriage. If you feel like you are fighting and fighting, stop and have sex. Some of you may say, but I don’t want to have sex. DO it anyway. Remember, you are surrendering to God, you are dying to self, so do it anyway! In this way, you are fighting for your marriage because you are not allowing the enemy to win! You are not allowing the enemy to drive a wedge physically in your marriage. Do not let the enemy win! He comes to steal kill, and destroy your marriage, your family, your legacy! FIGHT BACK! Ask your spouse how much he/she wants to be intimate, discuss it and see if it’s feasible, and try to meet those needs! Whether it be 3 times a week, 5 times a week, or twice a week, talk to your spouse about having MORE SEX! It will transform your marriage!
STOP and PRAY together daily: the power of prayer goes without saying. When we were unemployed for 9 months, we got through by prayer. Prayer. And more prayer. We took each other’s hands, closed our eyes and went to war through prayer. We prayed for God’s will. We believed together that God’s power was bigger. We trusted in God’s sovereignty! Will you stop to pray daily with your spouse? It can be over the phone, or face to face. Do it! And see how it impacts your marriage! I like to fast and pray at least twice a month. Some of you may be wondering what fasting means! Fasting is taking our eyes off our physical bodies, and giving up something to really dig deeper into what God wants and has for us. So that could be food, social media, television, carbs, soda, coffee, whatever the Holy Spirit leads you to give up. It should be something that’s a bit of a sacrifice. For instance, if you’re not a soda drinker, and you give up soda during your fast, that’s not a sacrifice. It needs to be something that it will take the Holy' Spirit’s power for you NOT to eat or drink, or give up. Something you’ll need the Holy Spirit’s strength to give up. Pray about it, and see what God leads you to fast. If your marriage is on the rocks, FAST AND PRAY at least one day, maybe one meal each week until you see a shift. Pray about it. Fight for your marriage. Wage war against the enemy! Fight back through prayer and fasting! The enemy is defeated, and you can have a successful and thriving marriage! Ask your spouse to fast and pray with you. Make it a thing you do weekly or monthly. Pick a day that you fast together! Wage War together!
Speak Life! One of the things I found myself doing early on was complaining about this and that. My mindset was so negative. I spoke so negatively about our marriage, my husband, and situations that would come up. Back then, I did not realize life and death is in the power of the tongue, so speaking negatively programmed my brain to point to a negative outcome. If you want to fight for your marriage, you have to speak life over your spouse, life over your situation, life that no matter what you face, GOD IS BIGGER! Do you believe that today!? We have to digest the truth that God is fighting for us even when we can’t see it. And that we can put our hope and trust in Him because He is faithful, and He wants our marriages to win and glorify Him. So will you speak life over your spouse even when you feel stuck? Will you speak life over your situation even when it looks dim? Will you speak the promises of God over your household, over your marriage, over your mind when the enemy is telling you to walk away! That is the enemy, so SHUT HIM DOWN! Yes!
BONUS: One thing I do every single day is write down gratitude including one thing related to my spouse. I write “I am grateful for my incredible and exceptional marriage. I am grateful that we are intentionally connecting and serving each other. This is for free, but write out your gratitudes daily! It will transform your mind and marriage! Even if you are not grateful for your marriage, I need you to write it as if you are! Say it! I am grateful for my spouse! I am grateful for my marriage! I am grateful for the work God is doing in our lives! I am GRATEFUL! Speak life! Show gratitudes EVEN if you can’t see it! Claim it! Speak it! Write it! Yes!

The enemy wants nothing more than to kill, steal, and destroy the great things that God has for you and your spouse! Will you fight for the amazing promises that God has for you and your family! It’s time to DECLARE WAR against the enemy! Will you fight? It starts today, friend!

Until next time,

Shelly

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