I remember laying there in my little one bedroom apartment, feeling like a big fat whale, blinds closed. In the darkness, I felt movement underneath my snug shirt. A baby. My baby girl. There was life growing inside me. I should’ve been thrilled. I was thrilled kinda. Only I didn’t want to live, and therefore I did not want my baby to live. Suicide was an option. A very real option, and I wanted it for US!

I probably should back up to say, I struggled silently with depression for most of my life although I did not know what to call it. Extreme sadness, not wanting to get out of bed, going through the motions, no energy or interest in most things did not seem a strong enough description for how I felt. I could not shake it. No matter how hard I tried, exercise, eating healthy, did not help. Nothing helped. Until I became suicidal while pregnant and needed meds to stay alive. Yes, I was on antidepressants while pregnant with our oldest baby girl, and yes I would do it all over again. Judge if you’d like. Meds and Jesus kept me alive. Because as I sat in my apartment alone, lonely, and desperate for an answer, God sent someone who did more than pray for me. Now please here me clearly, I LOVE PRAYER! Prayer changes everything, but when someone is suicidal please understand, you giving a half-butt “I’ll pray for you” that you forget about the very next day could mean a matter of life and death. So friend hear my heart, your friend struggling to live, they need more than a “I’ll pray for you.”

When God sent me someone, she opened the curtains, she forced my smelly self to shower. She fed me. She told me TO GET UP! And she showed up for me. She was Jesus to me. She held my hand and did more than tell me it was going to be alright because she knew that my demons and my struggles were more than just surface. She knew my past hurts and experiences and trauma were far beyond her pay grade. To this day, Christian, my beloved roomie from over 15 years ago, who was Jesus to me on that hopeless day, is a person I treasure and admire. So how in the world do you help someone struggling with depression?

You show up for them. And show up for them again. You bring coffee. You bring food. You find ways to serve them because really they feel desperate and want to be left alone, and don’t want to go out and do things. GO TO THEM! If they don’t accept your phone calls, show up at their door! If they don’t answer, leave a note! Show up and keep showing up! Jesus shows up for us! He showed up for people! Be Jesus to them friend! They need you! They need your hope when they are feeling hopeless!
Be persistent! If they push you away, don’t take it personal. It is not you they are struggling with. They have their own internal battles to fight! Be persistent even if they are mean, close you out, and try to isolate themselves from the world. JUST KEEP TRYING! Please.
If possible, get them outdoors. The last thing a depressed person wants is to go out and do things, but try to get them to take a walk or do something active. Serotonin and dopamine levels are already low with depression, so getting them to do things to boost those levels will help. Again, don’t push too hard, but it doesn’t hurt to ask!
Listen, listen, listen. Now I’m not saying enable or allow someone to wallow. But if the person is willing to share, listen. And do not try to offer advice UNLESS they ask for it. A ton of times, people give unsolicited advice and the person just needs a friend. They need someone to just listen without judgment. They need someone who really tries to understand them.
Ask them can you pray with them AND SUGGEST counseling, therapy, talking to someone, and if necessary medication. SO I absolutely believe in the power of prayer. Prayer changes everything. So please please pray for them right then and there if they agree to it! And I’ll be sharing some scriptures to pray for those struggling with depression in my 7 Day Devotion “So Long, Depression” this week! So make sure you check that out! I also created a So Long Depression course for those who have more non-serious, non-clinical depression. So click here if you want to take a look at that! After years and years of struggling, I really wanted to create resources and tools for those who need some strategies, resources, and coping tools! BUT ALSO, please please please suggest and even offer to take the person to therapy. Guys, I went kicking and screaming! I did not want to go to therapy, BUT my mentors and advisors stayed on me about therapy! They pestered me and pestered me and finally I relented! :) I was a tough nut to crack, BUT I’m so very thankful for their persistence and continual prompting to go to therapy! Also, if the person is suicidal and needs medication to cope with their depression, please suggest that as well!

Almost 12 years ago, I almost took my life and the life of my child, and while some will say that choice or thought was so selfish, I felt hopeless. And I know so many people who are feeling hopeless right now! Instead of judging where they are, will you be the hands and feet of Jesus and offer your hope to them! Be the hands and feet of Jesus today! Who knows, you may save someone’s life!

Until next time friends,

Shelly